PFFA Outtake: Heroes Aren't Lovers!
by Ryuko DragonHalf
Summary: A random fic ideya that attacked me this morning!  It's not top-notch, but I think it's pretty good.  Based on PFFA happenings!  Humor!  Sonamy romance!  Hopeless Romantic Central!  A wedding (of sorts)!  Hooked yet? ^_^;


HI Y'ALL! Yes, I am working like a dog on Little Planet, but this morning I awoke with a plot bunny latched onto me brain. Thus this one-shot was born!  
  
A quick disclaimer: all official characters belong to their respective companies, and all online personi belong to their respective.. uh, persons. ^^; THIS ISN'T A BLATANT CRAPPY SELF-INSERT! This is based on current events at the wonderfully crazy PFFA Asylum!  
  
Speaking of, this is dedicated to all of the PFFA's nutty patrons other than meself. ^_^ I LURVE YOU ALL! *tackle-glomps*  
  
**PFFA Outtake: Heroes Aren't Lovers!!**  
  
I had to run away. There was no other choice! If I'd stayed, who knows what would've happened? Besides, running always clears my head.  
  
Oh, who am I? Most people call me Sonic the Hedgehog. To some it's Sonikku, the Japanese name. I guess that's okay. Sounds too cutesy sometimes. But that's not important right now.  
  
*~*~*  
  
You won't believe what's happened to me! I got a phone call from an old friend of mine, Amy Rose. The fact that she called me on Valentine's Day threw me off...  
  
Ring ring. "Yo?"  
  
"Sonikku! Howzit going?"  
  
_AAAAHH!!_ "A-Amy! Um, hi! Uh, where've you been, I haven't seen you around for a while." _Act casual, stay calm... maybe she won't ask you out for Valentine's..._  
  
"Ne? Oh, I've been called in as a roomie for someone named Ryuko! It's kinda crazy here, but it's fun!"  
  
_...... say what?!_ "I don't follow, Ames. Where exactly are you?"  
  
"The PFFA Asylum."  
  
"And you're there because some stranger you don't even know simply came up and asked you over?"  
  
"... well, not really. I just kind of showed up here all of a sudden!"  
  
_Oh gee, THAT makes sense._ "So why're you calling?"  
  
"Just wanted to chat! And..."  
  
_A-HA! A catch, I knew it!_ I held my breath.  
  
"Everyone wants ya to be here, Sonikku! Wanna come?"  
  
Several alarm bells rang loud and clear. A bunch of random strangers, who somehow convinced Amy to live with them, now wanted ME to stop by. Perhaps permanently. So why on Earth did I say, "I dunno... what're you all doing now?", as if I was seriously considering the idea?! Maybe they were doing something fun..  
  
"We're waiting for a wedding to start."  
  
_.......... fun. Typical Valentine's Day fun._ I voiced my humble opinion.  
  
"Oh, don't give me that gagging noise, Sonikku!!"  
  
_Heh heh!_  
  
"Honestly, you haven't grown up one bit!"  
  
"Aw c'mon Amy! I'm not a romantic mush puppy! Weddings are boring!"  
  
She scoffed, which caught me off guard. "So you'd rather run around like a maniac destroying robots and cheating death time and again?"  
  
_What the! That was low!!_ I spoke in a deadly soft voice. "Don't make it sound so shallow. I'm a hero, I do heroic things to save lives, you KNOW that."  
  
"...... I-I know, gomen nasai.. it's just...." She sadly trailed off. The conversation hung in the air uncomfortably for a few seconds. I was gonna say something, but she beat me to the punch. "Oh, it's starting! Ja ne Sonikku!" Click, tooooooooooooone...  
  
Well. That phone call certainly changed things. I hated to admit it, but I was curious. What was this PFFA place, and why was Amy there? My steadfast heart of gold nagged at me to check it out.. she was all alone there, after all. And I was invited by the patrons. It'd be kinda rude to just turn them down, ne?  
  
I managed to find the place okay: a towering building tucked away in a relatively low-key neighborhood. I dashed in just as the wedding finished. BOY, it was weird!  
  
Everything was decorated for the occasion. Humans, animals, anthropomorphs and everything in between, all shapes, colors and sizes, had gathered to toss rice as the happy couple ran out. To my complete and utter shock, the couple was a couple of guys!! I noticed what looked like a dog crossed with a fish bawling her eyes out, and a dragon/human hybrid girl comforted her as she teared up herself. A couple of humans, obviously a guy/girl item, held each other lovingly while their friend tossed mountains of rice to her heart's content.  
  
The place REEKED of lovey-dovey-ness. I knew then why Amy was so attracted to it. Where was she anyway?  
  
A flash of pink! She was off to one side, dabbing her eyes and fixing her navy blue dress. I gathered my nerve and zipped through the crowd, reaching her side. She was gleefully joining in, completely unaware of my presence. Heh.  
  
I sighed and spoke up. "Alright, fine, I decided to come anyho--"  
  
"SONIKKU~~~~~~~~~~!!!" True to her nature, Amy threw her arms around me in a death-grip. "You came, you came! A bit late for once, but you came!!"  
  
"AAAAHH!!" I screamed.  
  
And that was only the beginning!  
  
*~*~*  
  
Since then, I've been keeping myself occupied. The dragon girl, Ryuko, claimed me as her own. She introduced me to her platoon of victims like myself: Mew, M-chan, Mewtwo, Gaav (the red-headed bloke who just got married to another guy, Valgaav), Phibrizo, Xellos, Ecco the dolphin, and Hamtaro. Bunnie and Amy needed no introduction. I stuck with them for the most part.  
  
I wasn't too fond of this Ryuko character. She came up with plots and laughed evilly at them. Reminded me very much of a certain egg-for-brains evil dictator I know. And some of the things her friends came up with! Moogleborg invented this powder stuff, and Mystic Vaporeon wasted no time in giving Ryuko some. OOOOOHHHH, that ticked me off.. and thoroughly embarassed me! To make matters worse, everyone had come to an agreement: I would find "true love" with AMY!!  
  
They know I'm not a lover! They know I'm not ready for it! And they still tried to pair us up! I won't even repeat Sephiroth's suggestion! Everything was happening too fast, even for me! So one day, I left in the early morning before anyone got up. I ran. I just ran. Here, there, and even over to that place. I ran until my legs finally gave out.  
  
I'm gonna hafta go back there, I know that. Ry's roomie tourney guarantees it. But not yet. Later. When my head's clear.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Sonic was resting in a forest clearing. Gorgeous forest, too. Green covered everything, sunbeams filtered through the leaves and branches, and birds twittered happily in the distance. That's where I finally found him.  
  
I tiptoed slowly to his side, thankful for the mossy ground muffling my footsteps. He was using said moss as a bed, curled up on one side, taking even, slow breaths. He looked so cute! I resisted the urge to tackle-glomp him.. and failed miserably.  
  
"KAWAII SONIKKU!!" I cried. That was enough to stir him awake, but not enough to warn him of my attack! I pounced on the hedgehog with a squeal.  
  
"AAAGH!" he managed to shout. "Who... oh yeesh. RYUKO, GET OFF!!"  
  
I complied. "Sorry, Sonikku, you were so adorable, I couldn't resist!"  
  
He rolled his eyes and sat up. "What're you doing here?"  
  
"What's it look like? I came to find you, duh! We're all worried about you!" I flapped my wings and hovered. "Roomies don't usually take off like that."  
  
He shrugged it off with a smirk. "You know me! I'm not confined to any small space for long. I come and go as I please!"  
  
"Of course I know that," I giggled. "Still, I can't shake the feeling that something's really bugging you." I paused, waiting for a reaction. Sonic just met my gaze with a closed look. I knew it. "Do you wanna talk about it?"  
  
He suddenly stood and moved to the edge of the clearing. "Not particularly.. and not to you or your crazy friends," he muttered darkly. The little blue hero jogged through the sunbeams, putting distance between us.  
  
"Shadow Snap!" I cried with a practiced wave of my hands. A sword materialized out of thin air and stabbed his shadow, effectively paralyzing him. Sonic wasn't pleased, to say the least.  
  
"Let me go right now!" he growled. His limbs were shaking violently, which meant he was really struggling with the spell. I had to act fast before he hurt himself. I flew over to him, fixing him with my most stern stare.  
  
"Oh, I'll let you go. Just listen to me. You've done enough running. It's time to face the music. It takes real courage to deal with inner troubles, especially when it concerns your feelings."  
  
His eyes blazed and narrowed dangerously. I hit a nerve. I thought he would snap, but the scowl on his face suddenly melted away. Now he just looked... tired. The flames dimmed as he lowered his gaze to his shoes, as if in shame. "How did you know?" came the near-silent question.  
  
A sympathetic smile. "Trust me, Sonikku. When you're as hopeless as me, you get a sixth sense." I waved my hands again, releasing Sonic from the spell.  
  
He let out a rush of air in surprise, then regarded me coolly. "Well, if talking helps, then let's talk."  
  
"Okie doke!" I chirped, soaring to the base of a tree. I perched on a particularly large root and gestured for Sonic to join me. He walked over and parked his keester so that his back rested against the trunk. "So, where should we start?"  
  
"Hah! Good question. Maybe first of all... you and the rest of the PFFA crew."  
  
"Oh? Did we do something wrong?"  
  
"Did you do something wrong?" he spluttered. "Using magic powder to control my every move and word isn't doing something wrong?!"  
  
Ah yes, THAT incident. "H-Hey, gimme a break, I'm sorry! We were in a romantic mood and MV-san had some powder left over!"  
  
"You didn't have to use it on me!"  
  
"YUSH I DID! You're the least romantic of my roomies, so I figger, why not?" I smiled coyly. "You enjooooooyed it, admiiiiiiit it!"  
  
Sonic frowned, turning away from me. I swear, the dude was blushing! YES! "Sonikku, why are you so afraid to embrace your softer side?"  
  
He winced, obviously remembering Amy's earlier tirade. "You really don't understand, do you?" He looked at me again, this time in disbelief.  
  
"Apparently not. Care to explain?"  
  
There was a pause as he collected his thoughts. "I'm a hero. I have to save the day, beat the bad guy, save lives even. It's dangerous business, and hard to boot. You think running all those loops is easy?" We shared a laugh. "I just.. I can't let myself get close to anyone. Anything could happen to me at any given moment. Anything could happen to my friends! They've gotten in enough trouble already! Just imagine what would happen if I fell..."  
  
I soaked it all in, putting sponges to shame. "So you don't want to fall in love with anyone... because they'll be in danger? Aww, that's so sweet of you!" I gushed before I could stop myself.  
  
That was the wrong thing to say. His quills bristled and stiffened with the rest of him. "That's not it!" he practically yelled. I nearly fell off the root in surprise. "I don't want to fall in love PERIOD! Never! Ever! Can't you guys take a hint?! I'm a hero, a fighter, I don't quote romantic poetry or whisper sweet nothings! If I even hinted at possibly becoming some girl's boyfriend, it'd be painful for the both of us! I'm constantly on the go! I won't stand still, I won't stay in one place for more than a week if I can help it! It just wouldn't work. I'm not a lover..." His voice echoed into the distance, soon drowned out by the peaceful birdsong dancing between the treetops.  
  
Needless to say, I was kinda at a loss for words. For one, I'd never seen Sonic, well... explode! For another, there was truth to his words. I realized the reasoning behind them. And I realized I had a very valuable trump card. I craned my neck down to get a better look at him. The poor dude was staring blankly at the grass and dirt, avoiding eye contact on purpose. Was he shaking too? Aw...  
  
"Sonikku?"  
  
"What?" he sighed. "Are you gonna try to convince me that I have feelings for Amy? Are you gonna say that I'm simply pushing this so-called love aside out of fear, or pride, or both? Forget it."  
  
I snorted. "You assume to much, hedgie-kun! I was simply gonna point out a little fact you missed."  
  
One ear twitched and swivelled towards me. Hee, so adorable! "I'm listening."  
  
"I guess you're right, you aren't much of a lover. You're an action hero, always on the go, barely missing the jaws of death, doing good deeds and all sorts of noble junk!" He chuckled lightly, to my delight. "Because that's the kind of guy you are. You don't wanna change at all, do you? Not even for love! You're stubborn as a mule!"  
  
I flapped up and landed in a crouched position, just in front of Sonic. He jumped a bit while I continued. "All of us at the PFFA know this. And we also know someone who completely adores you the way you are. She would never ask you to change, for love, for anything. You know exactly who I'm talking about, don't you?"  
  
I swear, I could see his emerald eyes brighten as he realized. I love it when that happens! "You mean.. A-Amy..."  
  
"Yush!" I grinned triumphantly. "She loves you for YOU, not just because you're some kind of superhero. And she would never beg you to stay home where it's safe, or expect a phone call every day... or heaven forbid, be diplomatic," I added under my breath. "All she wants is a little something in return. You've underestimated your number one fan!"  
  
His jaw was locked in perpetual-shocked-open-ness, which made me fall over in a giggle fit. "It's not that amazing, is it Sonikku? Really!"  
  
"Yeah, but..." The light started to dim. No! ".. when she called at the wedding, she got really upset at me because I didn't want to come. She made a really rude comment about my heroism..."  
  
"Oh for pity's sake! You really ARE a smeghead, aren't you!" I exhaled, relieved that it wasn't serious.  
  
Sonic looked at me as if I'd grown a second head with feet coming out my ears. "You said--"  
  
I held up one paw. "Look. She called on Valentine's, right? Amy-chan was in an uber-romantic mode. You know how girls are on Valentine's! She apologized, didn't she?" He nodded, and a smile slowly formed on his muzzle. "There ya go, she didn't mean it! Darned emotions is all.  
  
"Anyway, we'd best get back," I stated, stretching from tiptoe to claw. "The tourney starts today, you can't be late!"  
  
"I'm not in the first match, yanno," Sonic reminded me as he followed my example.  
  
"Well, true, but you need to get some last minute sparring in. Amy-chan's been training with Bunnie-chan. They can seriously kick booty now!"  
  
"Training, huh.." he muttered absently. "Hmm. That might be fun..."  
  
My eyes widened behind my glasses. "OH OH OOOHH, you'd have such fun with Amy-chan, wouldn't you!"  
  
He turned bright red, I know it! "Ryuko!"  
  
"After all, you two had such fun DDRMAX-ing together.."  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"I never said anything about stopping the teasing, Sonikku!" I winked and flew just above the ground, heading for home as Sonic sprinted alongside. "I wasn't kidding about the Hopeless Romantic Central comment. We tease, make fun, and hopefully create a wonderfully eternal couple in the process!" I sighed dramatically, much to Sonic's dismay.  
  
"Is there any way to stop you guys?"  
  
"Sure! Confess your undying love!"  
  
"RYUKO!!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
And that's it for the one-shot! Smeggy, wasn't it? I thought it was! At least you now have a glimpse into my PFFA-life. SUCH FUN! Yush, all events are true, including the powder incident, which really isn't as sick as it implies! ^^; And so are the people: Mystic Vaporeon, Moogleborg, Ry Senkari, Gabbyella and Blookie (the wedding attendees). I'm sorry you guys didn't get much mention, it was mostly me and Sonikku.. I'm not bragging or being a smug know-it-all! Really! Believe me! Please? *puppy-eyes*  
  
Well, if you've made it THIS far, then you might consider this story worthy (or otherwise) of a review! Click da button, type some words and POOF! You make Ryuko happy! XD 


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